When I found out I was carrying my first child some 13 yrs ago, I knew exactly what kind of a mother I wanted to be. Of course, I also assumed I knew what kind of children that would "produce". The ignorance of a 19 yr old who thought she knew where all other mothers went wrong LOL. I had visions of breastfeeding, baby wearing, co-sleeping, and every other gentle way I could come up with to raise my little ones. They would be PERFECT! HA! Of course, I'm not at all bashing instinctive parenting... I wouldn't parent any other way! Just poking fun at the expectations I had in the early years of raising a child in such a way that I would never hear a "NO!" or have to deal with any negative behavior. That was something those children would do, not mine. Well, It didn't take more than about a year for my perfect little angel to turn into a holy terror, but that's another story all together.
What I wanted to talk about was the idea of directing children's play. It's something I try not to do as much as possible. I might not have such a pet peeve about it if I wasn't surrounded by people who can't help themselves to get involved when they see my children playing. "No, don't play with your doll that way, play with her this way..." or "That toy wasn't meant for this, it was meant for that". I like to let their imaginations go wherever they want it to. I love to hear the stories they come up with and all of the different things they will do with the same exact toy. I love allowing them freedom to play without forcing it to look one way or another.
There are certain games they play though, that I really REALLY wish they didn't. Like pretending guns and killing. As a very sensitive person who is on a path of peace and non-violence, the very idea is difficult for me to deal with. But, I suppose in a house with 5 boys (6 if you count the really big one) it was inevitable that the shooting was going to begin at some point. I've always had a "no toy gun" rule, still do. I am not at all o.k. with one of my sons taking a gun (plastic or not) and pretending to kill the people he loves. Call me whatever, I'm just not comfortable with that. But you know what boys will do when you don't allow them to have toy guns? They chew their toast into the shape of a gun and shoot each other at the breakfast table, that's what they do. They pick up sticks at the park and almost instinctively know how to reproduce the sound of a machine gun (are they born with this?)
Sigh... I guess it was very naive of me to think that my children would completely skip this altogether, huh? It was so much easier to let them play in peace when it was a naked doll that grandma thought should be wearing clothing and acting "proper". To that I say, leave them alone! So Barbie's naked... big deal! But today at the park my boys decided to play a game about zombies, and whoever wasn't a zombie had a machine gun (tree branch) and would chase and kill the zombie. There were little girls at this playground, including one of my own, that were looking at the boys wondering what on earth they were doing. I couldn't tell whether they were afraid or just thought the boys were weird. Maybe a bit of both. But it took a lot more effort to just let them be. Everything in me wanted to stop the shooting. I mean, it just looked awful to this tree-huggin', can't-we-all-just-get-along mommy. But the boys were having fun, so I bit my tongue and turned my attention towards the sweet little innocent 6 month old I was pushing in the baby swing. How precious are the days when they have no teeth and "playing" is what their doing when they feel around your face while nursing and stare lovingly into your eyes. Baby bliss.
I'm guessing my darling husband doesn't exactly feel as strongly about it as I do. He was the one who bought them laser guns for Christmas last year after all. Every time they "shot" at each other I tried to get them to say "blast" instead. It sort of softened the reality of it in my mind somehow, but it didn't really catch on. They liked "shooting" at each other much more.
So, here I am... Miss let the kids be free to express themselves, having a hard time trying not to re-direct their play about this one. I'm sure I'm not alone in this, but I'm also sure there are some who think I'm being totally ridiculous to even care.
In any case, I'm gonna let them be. Trust is the bases of the relationships I have with my children and that's not going to change any time soon.
